happy snippets

-Kaleb agreed to let me start teaching him photography- and I could not be more pleased.

-A friend sent me the most beautiful, encouraging text, completely out of the blue, that lifted me up and gave me wings.

-After a trying bout with my wee man, when my head was spinning and I was sorely deflated, he paddled up and gave me a big hug and said "I'll always love you, mamma," and I melted.

-birthday flowers-not sure of their real name, but happy little red wild flowers that pop on our farm this time of year.

-spending a day out and about with my Mom, it's a rare and lovely occasion.

-clean sheets- sure, one of my littles wet our bed, but hey, at least the sheets got clean. There is not much better than climbing into a bed with crisp, clean linens.

-A package came in the mail for me. One I had been wanting oh so badly and it made me oh so deliriously joyous.

-After many a failed yogurt making attempt- I successfully made two batches of the thickest, creamiest, most delicious greek yogurt.

-I have received some of the kindest, most affecting comments here on the blog, that have utterly warmed my heart.

It's been a big week, full of ups and downs and big twisting turns, but it's always important to find the happy. 

Any happy snippets from your week?

hear me roar

It's amazing how quickly life passes by. In my head I'm still just a wee little lass with long blonde hair and gray eyes, but lately the mirror has been reflecting someone else. Someone much more grown up- and it's hard.

I understand all along, that aging is part of the process, but somehow I'm just relizing it. In my youth I thought I was invincible, like nothing or no one could touch me, I was free and on the go always. Never pausing to mess with skincare or make-up, sunscreen or wrinkles. never once stopping to think that I may have to pay for these careless years later down the way. And while there are certainly aspects of that school of thought that I still admire and carry with me, it's finally all starting to collide.

Lately I have been too hard on myself, wanting to hide yet desperately wanting to shine, picking apart every flaw and meeting myself with criticism and distrust instead of love. My body has done some beautiful and amazing things, and produced four of the most gorgeous babes I can imagine, it is strong and lovely and should be celebrated

So, I have decided it's time, if not now- when, really? It's time to make a change, to take a moment and learn about make-up, to mess about with my hair, to play-up my style. To paint my nails, and put on a pair of heels if need be. To wash my face and take care of my body. Drink some water, exercise and to remember that I am a woman- and it's a beautiful thing.

p.s.- In the past month I have been so inspired by Amber from Barefoot Blonde. She is crazy beautiful and has amazing hair tutorials and make-up suggestions, but it's mainly the emphasis she places on taking care of yourself that spoke so much to me.

practicing peace

Sometimes bed time with four little wilds is, well, wild. There is SO much to be done, and then of course, they want to be read to, sung to, danced with, prayed over and smooched on. The whole process can end up taking all evening, and just when you finally have gotten them tucked in and you've blown your final kisses and whispered your I love yous and ever, ever so gently tip-toed your way out the door and breathed an exhausted releasing sigh- out pops a bug, needing a drink of water.

On one such occasion, I was at my near breaking point. Totally weary and desperately on the verge of tears. I needed a deep breath, a break, a reminder. I slowly walked to the iPad, turned on some worship music, lit a candle, and asked the kids to gather around. . .  and then I proceeded to lead them in a mini yoga class. 

Hilarious, as I don't know any yoga, I'm horribly inflexible, and have absolutely no patience for any kind of meditation. Desperate times and all that.

I used my best calming yogi voice as we traveled thru mountain pose, into downward dog, I threw in a warrior to appease the boys, before heading down into a chattarunga, only to finish lying on our backs on the floor, arms outstretched, soaking in our silence as the words of the songs washed over us.

Finally, we slowly rolled ourselves to a sitting position, where we went around the room listing things and people we were thankful for, along with anything we wanted to pray about.

I couldn't believe how much they enjoyed it, and how surprisingly well they did. To top it all off, we had pretty much covered our entire nighttime routine in one 15 minute yoga class. They calmly climbed into bed and I left the room breathing easy.

It always amazes me how in a time of desperation something beautiful is born, like our love you song and now these yoga evenings. You try and plan for things, to build these lasting family traditions, but sometimes the best ones are the surprises. 

I really must take some kind of yoga class to learn some new moves, but regardless, it's become a sweet time for our little crew- a break from the chaos, to remind us to be still and be grateful.

namaste.

behind the lens

My humble beginnings in photography began about a year and half ago. I felt like I was losing so many special memories that really deserved to be captured. The children changing and growing- and it was passing by, completely lost. With nothing concrete of the everyday or the huge milestones to hold onto.

Freeze time, right? Isn't that the whole point of photography. To actually have the power to suspend a moment. To hang it up and hold it. A newborn babe in my arms, a plucky three year old with chubby hands, a little girl on the verge of so much more. These, these are the moments I wanted. Honest, thick with real life.

So for my birthday, just over a year ago, I asked for a camera. Nothing to fancy. I honestly had no idea how to use it, or what would become of this venture. I went with the Nikon D3200, and a 50 mm 1.4 lens. 

Not knowing the first thing on how get the shots I was after, I signed up for an online Intro to Photography course. The class forced me and inspired me to pull my camera out everyday, to wear it always and let it become a part of me.

I shot everything and everyone, my children the premier muses.Every now and then I would get lucky and get that perfect image, but that's where the problem lied- it was simply luck not skill. So, I kept on. . .

The sheer might of being behind the lens, a wizard just entering Hogwarts. That was me, I was learning to stop time, to make magic. 

Gradually, over the past few months, they have started to look more the way I imagined. I can see improvement and feel a confidence building. It's one of the aspects of photography I enjoy most- you have never truly arrived. There is always so much more the learn, new equipment to master, recently discovered techniques to attempt. And, while I may feel like my behind the camera skills are getting some better, editing is still my nemesis.